Street art

Shit graffiti pisses me off. Only a moron would scrawl 'Big Up Everybody' on anything, let alone the side of a  building.

I hate the term 'Street Art' - almost as much as when middle-class twonks call burritos 'Street Food' - but where I live in East London it's a literal description of what's plastered on every wall.

But seriously, this needs scrubbing off pronto.

Wall Street trash

Great. Even bins understand the stock market better than I do.

Shop horror

A shop window display in Camden

I've heard of 'beach bodies' but this is ridiculous. A severed foot in a sandal ... hardly evokes images of tropical bliss.

Overblown

GLOBE TOWN NEIGHBOURHOOD
RECYCLING CENTRE

Could this be the most pretentious bin in Britain?

Clamping down

They didn't say anything about bicycle locks

Too much detail

Only three people know what's behind that door. The culprit, the discoverer and the brazen chap who barged in regardless of the second man's hastily-scrawled sign.

It was no doubt the third guy who updated it with biro on his way out of "shit everywhere" hell.

Vi-egg-ra

I think this is proof sex can help you sell anything. Or maybe it's just proof that we will try to use sex to help us sell anything.

The sign was positioned outside a cafe in Islington, which sells nothing but fried breakfasts day and night.

Biased as their opinion might be, the place was absolutely packed with dozens more people queuing down the street to get in.

Slogan seems to be working.

Night bus

Some call him the crotch examiner. Others say he can lick his own belly button. The truth is he's just a drunk guy who lost the ability to hold up his head. Unconscious at the back of a night bus from Soho, I imagine he rode around like this until sunrise.

Paradise lost

When it opened in 1985, the Paradise Cottage was no doubt Bethnal Green's premier meat and grease dispensary.

A charming fast food joint that refuses to modernise, it has an authentic 'retro' appearance and most of its original features are still intact.

They've never even changed the cooking oil.

Girl power

On a stroll through London's fashionable east end, you'll inevitably witness the odd '90s-inspired car crash.

But I'm sure you'll agree this is a work of art, even if some of the likenesses are better than others. Geri looks more like George Michael in a wig. I reckon the lady painted it herself.

I also think she ran out of beige before getting round to Sporty's face. Luckily, the pink made a great substitute.